Sitting here writing this one I am thinking, If you are reading this right now, RUN... It only gets worse. I don't really know what would make someone continue to follow my story. Seems no one really is anyhow. Oh poor me. As I had mentioned before I feel slightly narcissistic that I want to know people are looking at this and reading this, I want to hear from them and know their thoughts. Still nothing really and it has only been a couple of days. Why does it bother me so much? Is it that I am feeling so alone? Again, it shouldn't matter. One of the biggest reasons I am doing this is for me. Because writing and letting it out is therapeutic, because I need to tell someone even if it is no one.
Yeah my day started off okay yesterday, but it just got worse and worse. Kinda leveled off a little and started to get a little better and then BOOM! Off the cliff it went. What started it going bad in the first place? I am not exactly sure, it may have started with irritation over something with my work, but it just progressed and what started out as an irritation with work turned into and irritation with myself and all my thoughts and all the things that have got me down right now. What really topped it off was a letter from HER, she spoke of letting me go and it hurts so bad. Not as bad as I thought it would, only because it doesn't feel much different than it has been for sometime. But the words and everything she wrote, although still loving, painful to read. I don't even know what to say and I am so damn sad right now. The person I feel I need more than anyone right now cannot be there for me, and it sucks. Feels like the story of my life. All the people I need the most disappear. Whoa! Maybe I have abandonment issues. That thought has never really occurred to me. Fuck I don't know. I can't write anymore right now. I feel the darkness seeping in and I need to take a walk.
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