Connection Concerns

Just keep feeling like I should be writing something here. I haven't been for a while now, but it doesn't mean I haven't been writing. I have actually had my spirits lift a little over the past week due to making connections with other women who I have been avidly writing to. One in particular. She scares me a little to be perfectly honest, I think because she is so much like me in so many ways. She is needy, passionate, smart, loving, sweet and beautiful. I am drawn to her, but so many fears run through my mind. Fears of getting hurt again, fears of what ideas I have about what this means or could mean just being fantasies I have developed in my head and the list goes on. Then on the other side of things, there is another woman who I find great as well. The relationship hasn't progressed quite as far, but I already sense she is smitten with me. And I quite like her positive attitude, the things she has to say and she is equally attractive to me. Ugh! I don't know what to do with it. I would never want to hurt either one, but I feel like I was burnt. So I want to leave my options open and they both seem so great. Such a rant, maybe I needed to come here sooner. On top of all of this, there are two others I am also interested in, but I have kind left them be. I cannot juggle this much. Don't get me wrong, I haven't invested in any of them, nor have I given any of them the impression they are the only ones and that I am aiming for. This is all very early stages and really I have nothing to feel bad about nor be ashamed of. Honestly I am just not that type of person, but it leaves me concerned and needing to say something. Funny, I didn't even feel like I had anything to write when I started, and here I am still writing.

Will it ever be possible for me not to worry, over-analyze or over-think any situation in my life? When will I start living in the moment and enjoy what is in front of me? And although a lot of the deep dark feelings over the last one are still slowly fading, when will I stop wishing to have her back or be a part of my life? The hope I used to have, just weeks ago, has subsided significantly but I still think of her and miss her so much.

Love! Stupid!

I don't mean it. But it needed to be said.

That is my rant for today, and I'm sticking to it...........